Que Sera Sera

Every time I think about us, I can't help but also think, how long are we going to last? No matter how much I want to keep you with me, I know that I can't. If we think about it, I don't really own you, which means I can't force you to stay with me forever. I know you're not scared of losing me, I am one of those few people that you can live without. I am not the one you would want to stay with you. We are good together, so long as nobody else knows, but once the secret's out, well, I am good as gone. I don't mind being the loosed string, the one you can cut off once the tides get rough. My situation is understandable, I know my place, I know my limits. Sometimes, I forget the reality, especially when you're with me, I act as though I'm the only one for you, but then reality checks back in, tapping me in the back, reminding me to back off from you just a little bit. But I can't back off, I can't will myself not to love you, I can't force my heart to feel otherwise. I think it is too late for that. I have allowed myself to love you completely. Yes, it's hard, it's complicated, but what can I do? Should I give you up? I really don't think I can, even if I want to.

I know time will come that you would have to give me up, that you would have to let go. I get teary-eyed just by the thought of losing you, but sacrifices are made in order to make your loved ones happy, and if letting you go is the only solution, then I won't have to think twice. I know that I'm not part of your options. Or maybe I am, but I know you will never choose me. You will never choose to be with me. I keep repeating this to myself so when the time comes, it won't hurt so much.

I wonder what will happen once you leave..I've been preparing for that moment ever since I chose to love you. I've been dreading the moment you would have to finally cut the cord, and let me go. It hurts just thinking about it, but I have to prepare my heart for this, there's no other way. I know you will never be with me forever. I just know it. But it's okay. I really don't mind, and even if I do, it's not like I have a choice. I love you this much, even if it means hurting myself twice as much.

This is my resolution: I love you, and I will keep on loving you until the day you would have to let me go. For now, what's important is that I love you, it's the only thing I am sure of, I maybe uncertain about our future, but I never really doubted how I feel. So for now, I love you, and I love 'us'.  Que Sera Sera...