goodbye to you..

i dont know how many times I've tried saying this to you. i don't know how many times I've convince myself to utter these words.. i am really trying to forget you, hopefully everything about you. but i cant bring myself to think that i'll wake up one day without any memory of you. i miss being your inconvenience, it felt like we were together for so long, yet we can count on our fingers how many times we've seen each other. i remember seeing you again for the first time after 2 years, you were a breath of fresh air, and you're the kind of air i would want to breathe every waking moment of my life. when i saw you again, all our memories came back to me as if they were just yesterday. and then the second time we met, when you held my hand so tight; i felt like i would melt. i felt like my hands perfectly fit to yours. i could have stayed on that moment forever. i could have stayed with you forever. just the nearness of you melts my heart. i really thought we could go on forever as secret FWB (friends w/ benefits). i was expecting we'll stay like that forever. but no, it can't be. i realized that we still have to go back to our normal lives, our lives without each other. it is easier for you, i know. you never really expected the things i expected. you never really wanted the things i wanted. i wanted you, but you never wanted me. RIGHT?




i don't know when i'll be able to say goodbye to you and at the same time know that i can finally move on. after all these years, i found out, that i will never be over you. which means moving on  will never be an option for me. but i am really hoping to wake up one day, and know that i don't love you anymore. right now, if i ever do say goodbye to you, i know that i will keep on thinking of you, wanting you, hoping to see you. i hope one day, i'll get tired of waiting for you. i know i'm not supposed to wait, you never asked me to wait, but i'll be waiting still. maybe, just maybe.




..i love you, you know.,
it's hurting me to let you go..


i really really love you.... :'c