i can truly say that everything that I've hoped for has ended. there is no hope that what i want will be mine. it hurts so much to think that after everything I've done, still i ended up with nothing. the pain is so cliche. the disappointment no longer disappoints me. somehow i knew this is how it will end. i hate myself for even trying to change everything. i hate myself for trying to win him back. i am not what he wants, i will never be what he wants.
i wanted to hate you for what you did to me, for what you made me feel when we were together, i thought that what we had was something to look forward to, something that i can possess for the rest of my life. why did it have to end? why cant you just love me? i want to be angry at you for making me happy, i want to hate you for letting me love you, all over again. i wanted to scream at you, and blame you for this pain i'm feeling deep inside me.. you don't know how much it hurts, you don't know how much i want to cry just thinking of you.
and now that everything has come to end. somehow i haven't awakened from this nightmare. i cant seem to teach my heart not to love you anymore. i don't know if i'm still waiting for the day that you will love me. no matter how impossible it is. i just don't know what i want anymore. i wanted you so badly. i wanted to be with you. i want to feel you near me. i want to be the only one who's loving you. why did you let me fall? why did this has to happen? i once tried living without you, i thought i succeeded, and now i have to do it all over again, i don't know if i can.
my whole life is broken.
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